it's a fight to keep it.

I know better than all of this
But I just can't face the face-to-face.

I'm only dragging my feet;
All these things, like wet concrete,
Are weighing down my boots.

Having a sister is watching seemingly level-headed guys swoon over a girl who, just this morning, her eyes raccoon-like with smeared make-up, spent fifteen minutes poking you with her big toe and making squealing noises.

There is a girl you know with tall green eyes who likes to be alone. When you see her on the street, she pretends you aren't there, or sometimes, if she's in the mood, she'll smile as she walks past and away. If you follow her, two steps behind, you'll see her trip at the corner. She laughs at herself in case somebody is watching, but no one is, except you.

She apologizes when she sees beautiful paintings, hears beautiful music, runs her fingertips over glossy spines in the fiction section at the library. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't make you." She runs her fingers along the racks in the clothing stores, but she hasn't got any money in her pockets, except to buy fruits and soy sauce at the A&P. You have her number, but if you telephone her at home she'll always tell you, "I can't tonight." What she means is "Someone, someone, please save me."

Don't feel bad. She knows you won't.

[],|[h][];|*[]* [h][];|[p][p][e][]|[e][]::|? [] []:|[]::|[]|'*[]* [k][]|[]::|[],| [][f] [],|[e] []..|[]|[]:|[e][r]_[]-*[]*[];|[]|[]:| [e][];|[]:[h][]::|*[]*[h][e][r] [];|[]|'[]'[]||[]::|[r][e].

there's nothing a miserable person can tell a happy person that she'll want to hear.

one day you'll wonder "what happened to carolyn when i was so happy? where did she go?" and i'll have gone away, because when i don't lie, i have nothing to say, and i could never lie to you.

love.