FOOD!

Andrew said, "tell me a story."

I told him, "Once I loved a man with no legs. The novelty was fun, until one day he took off his left plastic leg and hit my dog with it. When I broke up with him, he called me a bigot."

Andrew said, "I want a happy story!"

So I told him, "Once I loved a man with three legs. He carried me around on his shoulders and I could always reach the top shelf."

i dreamed last night that my dad sold my cat for parts.

plot: art school
subplot: suicide
subplot: bleeding fingers
subplot: budding romance
subplot: weed whacker
climax
resolution

I paid subway fair to kiss my sisters goodbye. I like to leave so much more than i like to be left.

I was sad all morning, so i walked a different way to school today because I'd read it once in a poem. It's was sunny and the air smelled like a picnic. I was surrounded by fresh-faced UofT students, and blonde buildings with copper-green roofs. The sidewalks were scrubbed white. White sidewalks make me think of sun-bleached dinosaur bones, so clean and dry that I can crunch them between my teeth. White sidewalks make me feel a warmly indifferent attitude towards death, which is pretty fitting, if you think too hard about sidewalks.

cameron is eating stale bugles in the living room.

adam is watching the soaps and ironing his husband's jeans.

daver is wearing a turquoise and purple shirt, stomping his feet to luther right and the wrongs, and dowing another beer.

jon is made of ivory soap. he's so pure he floats, even when he's getting high and watching porn.

kyle is lying on a brown corduroy couch under his grandmother's afghan. he's watching daytime television because there's nothing better to say than to agree once again that the sex is still awesome.

joel is spending the entire day naked in an empty bathtub and ignore the line-up banging on the door.

and me? i'm going to spend all day watching tv and taking up both sides of the bed; i've been watching the sun sink and enjoying the smell of sleep in my sheets. ever since i've learned to control time, it's been the weekend all week.

my sister's been sad for a week. maybe she's been sad for longer than that. i used to braid marigolds in her hair, but now i eat them mindlessly with marmalade. i used to look so up to her. i've changed a lot since she made that movie. i think i'll call her so she doesn't forget what my voice sounds like when i love her. i hope "she is" doesn't become "she was" in my letters. i didn't realize before what things like this could mean.

Catalonia.
you were first.

are you sad?
i look for traces of you.
this is just the interim.
there are rarely any good reasons to be sad.

so i desided to be at home when you called.

On her radio show recently, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an
observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to
Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The
following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident,
which was posted on the Internet. It’s funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I
have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge
with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual
lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly
states it to be an abomination. ... End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other
elements of God’s Law and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price
for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I
tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of
mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can’t I own
Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2. The passage clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally
obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I
don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there ’degrees’ of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have
a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27.
How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse
and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble
of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t
we just burn them to death at a private family
affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

a mouse just tried to crawl up my leg!